Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Alarm clocks are evil - UPDATED!

Over the past 10 years, I've grown quite accustomed to relying on an alarm clock to wake me up in the morning. This is for two reasons: 1) I almost always stay awake too late to get a healthy amount of sleep, and 2) If given the choice, I'd sleep 15 hours a day. My friends tend to relate me to a bear (teddy, grizzly, and/or large hairy homosexual male), and I feel that this is most accurate in regards to my sleeping habits. I love a good hibernation.


As a hibernator, I've always hated alarm clocks. Through middle school, high school, college -- and especially now that I have a full-time job, it seems like it just keeps getting worse. I currently wake up at 5:50am every weekday morning, which makes me want to kick every puppy, ever. Right in their adorable little snouts. Even the fluffy ones.

I've had the same alarm clock for a bunch of years now, and although it's been my reliable and trusty aide, I see it as the embodiment of pure evil.


My hatred for the evil Count Chronologington (I just decided that's its name) is not unwarranted. In fact, I'm fairly certain he conspires against my sanity; I swear he will never go off when I'm ready for it. I can sit there staring, waiting for him to start beeping, but he never does until I get comfortable enough again to be jolted awake.













The war against the Count is endless. I need him, yet he terrorizes me every morning. I need a new angle to fight this early-morning assault, but nothing I've tried works. Turning the alarm down causes me to oversleep, putting it to a radio station just makes me have dreams to the tune of Philadelphia Freedom by Elton John, and phone alarms are never within reach when you desperately need to hit the snooze button. I think I need to turn even more nocturnal, find a night job, and never have to deal with the count again.


Although, I feel like he'd find a way to ruin my life anyways.


Sigh. Fifty bucks.

UPDATE:


Look at him. Watching me in the dark. Like some kind of patient psychopath. I'll get you someday, Count.

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