Gift implications

As Christmas draws near, everyone (who celebrates the best [and also most corrupt] holiday) begins to panic about gifts. If you're having trouble deciding what to buy for someone, or even want to make sure you're not giving a terrible gift, here's a helpful guide outlining the implications of certain gifts.

Gift #1: The gift card

What you think you're giving:

What you're actually giving:

Gift #2: A blouse

What you think you're giving:

What you're actually giving:

Gift #3: A plant

What you think you're giving:

What you're actually giving:

Gift #4: Jewelry

What you think you're giving:

What you're actually giving:

Gift #5: A card

What you think you're giving:

What you're actually giving:

I suggest that if you want to make sure you're conveying the right message, give everyone cash. It doesn't pretend you know what they actually want, and they can use it however they please. Sort of a, "I don't give a shit, but here's fifty bucks because I like you".

If you even CONSIDER giving someone a fruit cake, die. Die fast, and die forever.