THE THREE MAIN ELEMENTS OF SANDWICHIAN MAJESTY:
Element 1: Deliciousness
I think we can all agree that sandwiches cause mouthgasms. Something about putting ingredients between two slices of bread (or three if you think you're fancy with your snooty club sandwich, you highfalutin prick.) just makes everything (aside from cauliflower [the devil's legume]) taste amazing.
As the science shown above clearly indicates, sandwiches without bread are a pile of gross play-doh blobs, or something like that. And as we know from basic science, play-doh tastes like Poseidon's salty butthole - a flavor which, while very arousing, is not very hunger-quelling. Hunger-quelling: 2011's top buzzword. Bet everything you own on that.
Element 2: Love
If you are alive, regardless of sensory capabilities, you love sandwiches. Immutable fucking FACT. Therefore, offering to buy/make/burglarize a sandwich for someone is pretty much the most thoughtful and amazingly heroic thing a human or lesser being can do. The best thing ever is having a sandwich waiting for you at the end of a tough day at work.
That's some serious science. I do NOT fuck around with statistics involving rhinos.
Anywho, as you can see, hyper-dense love is embodied in sandwich form - i.e. - if you have a sandwich, you command love from everyone.
Element 3: Power
Similar to how possessing a sandwich comes with great power, giving one a sandwich is submitting great power. Although it garners great honor and love, it also shows that you're retarded, and a pussy. It makes no sense to not eat every sandwich you possibly can, and giving one away or allowing one to be taken before (and in my opinion, after) death is an inexcusable act of cowardess and displays ultimate weakness on the submitter's behalf. "Make me a sandwich" didn't come as a pompous self-superiority phrase out of thin air. Science, history, science, physics, and science, folks. Try and keep up.
Labcoats. Beakers. Chalk.
No comments:
Post a Comment